Now, I know many of you have been on the edge of your seats, anxiously awaiting an update on that grinning doofus formerly known as Cherry Popper, and I am sorry to have kept you in suspense for so long. In fact, I checked my messages a mere day or two later, and this was his response to my plaintive lament:

Haha that is funny, couldn’t tell from the pictures – although come to think of it, the arse shot is a giveaway.

I see you’re back on AW again, so I guess no regular man on the scene? I have been regularly tempted to give you a shout, but I’m not affair material so didn’t want to disappoint. Maybe we could meet up every so often just to keep the wheels oiled!

I was surprised to see that it was the affair comment which had turned him off, and not all that drama about the threesome. But I was relieved. First of all, it means that he does remember at least one thing about me, even if it’s a bad thing. Secondly, at least my propensity for affairs is something genuine about me, unlike my so-called “aggression” which he cited as one of the reasons for the threesome disaster. And I’d rather be shunned for something real than take the blame for his come going down the wrong way, or whatever it was he said to me that day.

I thought of many different possible responses to his message. “I do have a ‘regular man’ on the scene, actually – several!” That would teach him not to be so presumptuous. Or I could pander to his ego and reassure him that I’m not the clingy love-junkie type: “You were right about affairs – more trouble than they’re worth!” Or maybe just a breezy, “Sounds lovely, darling – I’ll let you know when I’m back in town!” The one thing I absolutely didn’t want to do was not write back at all, and let him think that I’m just sitting in a corner sulking, mortally offended by his callous mistreatment of me.

But, of course, that’s what I ended up doing. One thing led to another, I was distracted, and then it had been just too long, it would have seemed awkward no matter what I wrote.

And the irony is that his unsuitability for an affair was what I liked most in him, really. He was always so cheeky and cheerful, so flippant and fatuous, almost inane. We never spoke of anything real – ladyboys and size 12 escorts. I know I broke the code by allowing myself to imagine that there might be more to him than that. But I liked the fact that it was something unattainable.

I do wish that I could “see” him again – just one last time.


5 thoughts on “To Cancel Half a Line

  1. If you really want to see him again, then use your substantial womanly wiles to accomplish it. If you apply yourself, you will always get what you want.


      1. Let’s be honest … following sage advice is not your forte. The wise thing would be to concentrate all your sexual energies on me, but I don’t see that happening in my crystal ball ;)


  2. That moving finger moves on, but unmarried men and root rats* hardly ever do. Not completely, not when women are concerned. So he’ll probably be in touch, as insouciantly charming as he can manage to be. Piety will score him nul points, though wit might score some: but desire will have him contact you.

    You know what decision you’ll make when he does. (So do your readers, of course. But we’ll pretend to be surprised.)

    * Root rat, by the way, is Australian English, and because it’s Australia it’s more complimentary than not, but mostly it’s just a description of a category of men who are a resource for women. Like fast food, only healthier.


    1. Hmm, well, according to the Urban Dictionary, a “root rat” is “someone (usually a woman) who can’t get enough sex, starts having sex at an early age, or is continually looking for a root”. And I hope you don’t mean me, because I certainly wasn’t climbing up jungle gyms at the age of 8 as an excuse to flash all my classmates…


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